A light at the end of a tunnel.

Aug 14, 2005

New stuff that's a lot better than the old crap.

7.28.05

Soliciting virgins for fourty-five pence
'I don't want this one, this girl has dents'
Rejected by rich perverse men, you shatter
Only to be found again by London's Mad Hatter
He's crazy, he's holy, you've found someone you know
You know him from a past life
Why haven't you told
Soliciting more virgins for more than fourtyfive pence
'I will take that one, but I want fingerprints'
He got his fingerprints
And you got your fourty pence
The deals are cut swiftly
If you worked here
You'd say it's boring
But this is where we make our deals
Soliciting virgins for fourty five pence
To men that want dents and girls' fingerprints

7.28.05

It makes no sense to hallucinate in broad daylight
All kept up in your room
Sniffing No 5 Chanel perfume
You smell like London
I'm back from France
Now tell me, have you learned to dance?
You did nothing that I asked for
All I never had
Was you hallucinating on my bed
I'll never make you leave
But for now
I'm a girl
I'm a lover
I'm a bride
Like no other
I'm the winner of this game
Where you hallucinate
You hate the world today
So you, hallucinate
Your reality is made
So you can hate it
And an angel from above
She is your health
It's a dream
This life is nothing in between, you know
I wouldn't want you any other way.

7.28.05

She walked by, so unfocused
How could we possibly know this
We notice, we notice
We walk amongst the shadows
Battling the heathens for their places in the shadows
The shadows are no places for the haunted and the hallowed
As shadows we move quick
Dont ask to hold us back
Because we won't even wait a bit
She walked by, so unfocused
Tears in her eyes, and in the reflection of her eyes
I could see sorrow, pain, suicide, a skyscraper
Yes, the most evident image, a skyscraper
With a man jumping off
Leaving me at a loss
A loss for words to comfort her
The girl who walked by, so unfocused
How can a human know about the unfocused girl
And make their jugments
And if they know pain, that they know sorrow
That maybe, just maybe, there's a better tomorrow
The shadows see this because shadows see all
But if you want answers, the shadows stand tall
And the shadows, these shadows, say nothing at all.

7.24.05

You said you loved me on the palisades
And I ignored you til the break of day
So unoriginal, so unrelentless
And I know you never meant this
The queen of everything lost her throne
And the king of nothing was never shown
The path the take, the hearts to break
The words to fake, the things to make
I sit with toddler toys and plastic pearls
Pretending that I love the world
Pretending it's a beautiful place
Pretending that there's no murder or rape
That there's no pain, that there's no pain
Everything I lost
You never gained
You loved to hate
I loved to break
I guess it evens out
If the day goes smoothly
You waste your whole life choosing
That your mistakes are okay
Pretending you never made them
You just pretend
They all pretend

7.22.05

She lost
Not in hellfire and brimstone
Not with a hero by her side
Or a soundtrack to her defeat
But surrounded by her victims
With a guilty conscience that began to eat her inside out
As they watched her conscience chew her skin, rip it up
Watching the blood splatter to the ground
Listening to the symphony of sweet revenge
Breathing in the air of not victimless crimes
But a group of broken souls
That wanted to see her fall
For all the lies she told
For all the punches she threw
And for all the times she hurt them
She wanted to be alone
She didn't want anyone to see her lose
But in return for her life
Everyone she hurt got to watch
As she lost

3.23.05

You think you're reaching us
With your wise words and knowledge
Inside of this medicated nonsense
This is just war
All of the time
Between the adults and the children
And the teenagers and babies
Feeding on empty promises and maybe's
But you're wasting your time
Nothing can reach them anymore
You reached me
And I'm good as new
They're trading each other in
For ones with washboard abs
A fake sense of humor
And a better fitting brand
Well look who's crying now
It's the girl next door
And to tell you the truth
She was always such a whore

4.2.05

She's that girl
With a face so stunning
But it's too bad
That she was wheeled away
For being insane
She thought the government was after her
Well to tell you the truth
I don't blame her
She looks so beautiful
On pen and paper
Ask any of the men
Any of the men that date her
They'll all tell you the same thing
She's sensitive to the touch
She'll give your mind and soul a rush
And if she were a drug
She would be smack
So shoot her up

Posted at 01:08 pm by wretchedmind
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Dec 27, 2004

dear god, if this is a sick joke, please stop it...

The Demons Within

12.26.04

She said
The demons within
Sometimes
Sometimes they win
She thought they lied for her
To make her feel better
About her situation
Psychologists embraced it
And she hated it
When she couldn't take the pain
And her actions finally drove her insane
She learned
Insanity never sleeps
And misery
Loves company
She tried to beat the beast inside
But there was nowhere left to hide
The lighthouse
Where all her best friends died
God knows she tried
But sometimes
Sometimes the demons inside
Sometimes they win

Acid Showers

11.27.04

A tear that falls

From the tallest tower

Where evil cowers

And acid showers

Burn through your skin

You don’t know how to deal

SO you follow doctor’s orders

And you count to ten

It doesn’t work

You start over again

The tear that fell

From the tallest tower

Where evil cowers

Stains a picture of you

That somehow, it faded to blue

Could this have been true?

Well not if it’s you…

Bloody Constellation

12.13.04

If she could make it on her own

She’d love her life forever

Instead of sitting in the shower

Staring at a razor

Knowing that it hates her

But everything around her

Reminds her

That she’s lost interest in self-mutilation

No more bloody constellations

Although she gets no validation

She spawns original creation

And everything she’s worked for

Lived for

Wanted for

Breathed for

Has come from the pain inside the core of her brain

Every time she’s left in the rain

Ignites creativity in unthinkable ways

Every gunshot that she hears

Every boyfriend that disappears

Has made her stronger

And no longer

Will she the one

Left to suffer

Everythingsokayville

12.17.04

There’s a little town on the top of the world

Where nothing goes wrong and nothing’s absurd

Nobody’s raped or molested or killed

Everyone acts on their God-given will

And nobody’s sad and no one’s depressed

And the cops don’t have to make any arrests

Everything works and no one screws up

But nobody ever gives a F***

And there’s another side of town

To this so-called perfect town

Where smiles are hard to fine

And it’s not uncommon to bear a frown

And in the center of town

There’s a tree with a girl hanging from it

Wearing a bloodstained gown

And the world begins to crack

Because this is so absurd

Here comes the hurt

From this screwed up world.

Toyed With

12.11.04

Don’t bother writing your letters

This is what it feels like to be toyed with

Enraging her

Asking if you’re hating her

Look in her eyes

What do you see?

Rip out her heart

You’re burning me!

Take her down

From your highest shelf

She can no longer endure

What you have dealt

She read it over

Tried to breathe

I’ll make you watch

What you did to me

Maybe she thought

Things would be different

Eight times around

Did absolutely nothing for me

Never knew what she’d turn out to be

They watched her tremble

Watched her fall

Watched her scream

And run into every wall

This heart was meant for anyone

Anyone who would take it

And never break it

But apparently

They thought it was okay to fake it

Starve her

Throw her down and scar her

Light a match and char her

You’ll never know how much you hurt her

How badly you burned her

Now she sees

What she can be

She doesn’t need you

It’s hard to car

To check and see

If you’re there

Nightmares

Won’t win

Ever again

Toast-her

12.17.04

She wakes up

Feeling okay

A few minutes pass

Not so good anymore

And back up she goes

It’s a roller coaster

Trapped inside

An emotional toaster

Fries her up and spits her out

She knows what it’s all about

Then she says

And I quote

‘Kill me now

Kill me quick

I don’t want to wait

I’m sick of this

So kill me now

Kiss me goodbye

Slit my throat

And watch me die’

I quote her exactly

Every word that she said

I fear for the things

That go on in her head

Dear God,

If this is a sick joke

Please stop it

Backseat

12.6.04

These thoughts are so empty

Were her actions meant for me?

I don’t know how things got this far

She sits in the backseat

She’s not waiting for me

I don’t know why she’s so depressed

Suicide is the road she’ll never know

Maybe borderline

Will all work out in time

Cross my fingers tight

We all dressed up and read between the lines

Took every hint and sign

But her thoughts are so messed up

Morbid and none of the best ones

Incredibly aching

Why do you mistake me?

For her, whose situation got so rough

They misunderstood her

Labeled a brooder

Not making her better off at all

Why is it so tempting?

To be so moody?

Maybe we’re all better off on our own.

Animosity

12.17.04

She’s getting the idea

Animosity running high

He could love her as she is

But possibility passes by

And the blackened sky

Sending signs

That no one will ever understand

The question why

Why do we cheat?

Why do we lie?

Why do we hate?

Why do we cry?

Why do we abuse

Our bodies and minds?

Why do we cut?

Why are we blind?

Answer me why

If you have the time

Just answer me why

Cyanide, My Dear

12.13.04

Would you like a cup of tea, my dear?

Laced with cyanide, my friend?

We could have been together

Together til the end

But you went ahead and screwed it all up

Again

Oh I’d love to watch you choke to death

On your sanguinary tears

For everything you put me through

For the months that seemed like years

Left With Nothing

12.17.04

Crying, choking

Hate provoking

Howling, sighing

Multiplying

Cancer spreading

Paper heading

Picture taking

Smiles are faking

Skin is cutting

Doors are shutting

Given something

Left with nothing

On Her Wrist

12.1.04

You never called

You never stalled

You never ever got the balls

So she chose to draw a picture

She chose to draw it on her wrist

She drew it with a razor

How could you have missed?

She knew it wasn’t right

But it extracted so much bliss

All the pressure that built up

All the times that she sought help

Every time you disappeared

Every check that never cleared

Give me a time

I’ll understand

Give me your thoughts

But don’t demand

Too many years

You’ve stood alone

Too many tears

You’ve cried unknown

And you fall again

I’m there again

It’s all over again

I’m in this mood to help

Because I’m scarred

I have nothing left to hide

And I ask nothing more

Than to reach

Into your core

I’ve only come here

To hold you

Not to fold you

Not to sell you

Time will tell you

In the end

It’s alright

Give it time

And it’s all

Nice.

Drama On Demand

12.18.04

For her 16^th birthday

Spent in a hospital dorm

She was given a diary

Bound with leather

Same color as stormy, morbid weather

In that diary

She wrote everything she didn’t know

How could she even begin to show

The beginning of when things got low

Everything she had worked for

Lived for

Dreamed for

Was all gone

Because of some stupid prank

Pulled on her

Gone in a blur

And no one there to hold her hand

This is the real world

Drama on demand

One Day

12.17.04

If she could go one day

And not fall to her knees

Or cry a thousand tears

Or beg and plead

Sometimes she swears

There’s nothing she needs

But in the end

It’s all in greed

They feed off her sorrow

And steal her tomorrow

Don’t have the decency

To ask if they can borrow

And they expect no backtalk in return

Someday they will never learn

She’s not a doormat

Or anyone’s asshat

Posted at 08:44 pm by wretchedmind
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Dec 17, 2004

Update

Don’t Even Start With Her

12.16.04

Don’t touch her

Don’t even start with her

She could lash out in a second

And she definitely won’t regret it

Crying, choking, starving

No food until she’s better

But no better until there’s food

So it’s an endless cycle

She’d kill herself

If you’d be impressed

Maybe nothing’s worth it

Maybe it’s all some psychopath’s dream

Walking the halls

Of the fully insane

Society

Completely inane

An ignorant truth

Which it greedily claims

Nothing can fix it

Nothing would care enough to even take a glance

To make any corrections

To take out the white out

Put a dab on hate

And a glop on racism

And slap a boatload on stolen innocence

Every day healthy

Please, don’t even start with her

Where The Goth Girl Cries

11.4.04

Ever had that feeling

When you feel like a burden

Cuz you know that you’re hurtin’

But there’s nothing that’s changing

It’s not rearranging

I keep getting trampled

Just stupid stuff

That builds up

And I’m glad I don’t cut

That I’m not stuck in some rut

In the gutter

In a house with no shutters

But in the darkest places

Are the brightest faces

Where the goth girl cries

The butterflies fly

And the angels die

She Freaking Hates The Way She’s Feeling

11.19.04

she freaking hates the way shes feeling
cuz her lifes not freaking changing
and as her soul's degrading
her concious seems to be fading
the things she craves have now betrayed her
what she ran to now enslaves her
the ones she loved now merely play her
she knows a girl
with cuts on her arms
and a few more
who cause bodily harm
to find any of those
she doesn't have to go very far
shes the only one I know
who can really play a guitar
she cries in a corner
and no one will warn her...

Gah. And there she is again in 100 pools of blood.

Can She Really Trust You?

12.16.04

Can she really trust you?

Is it really worth it?

If she gave you her love

Would you take it and burn it?

Would you rip her to shreds?

Would you tear her apart?

Would you hold her close?

Would you break her heart?

So much in her past

She can’t even begin to explain

How badly it pains her

To hear I love you

It seems as though hate is so much easier

To deal with

To accept

No worries

No regrets

She’s got a megaphone

And from the tallest towers

She’ll pour acid tears

From her sullen eyes

The beauty that lies

The angel that cries

The only one who could ever make a difference

Is the only one who is falling to pieces

Ain’t life grand?

Posted at 03:57 pm by wretchedmind
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Dec 1, 2004

New Entry

My Spoken Words

11.30.04

You have no idea
That she is the aftershock
Of the dopamine you inject
Throughout the rain
She swallows your pain
Taking on all of the things that you hate
You'd think she feeds off it
That she needs it
But in reality
It's them who breed it
Her comforting words
She says them tall
Acts as if her help was nothing at all
But in reality
It eats her alive
On the outside
She's perfectly fine
She'd never scar her perfect skin
To feed the hungry beast within
She could never fall short
Even when her face contorts
And her body aborts
She keeps pushing on
Doing all the work
To her parents
It makes no sense that she could mean well
Putting herself though extraordinary Hell
But she'll never tell
It's an extra responsibility
But it lacks all sensibility
Maybe this is the way
Her exboyfriend feels
All the time
Every day
The same old feeling
Never going away
She'll get over it
Some way
She'll see there's more to life
Than not wanting to stay
Nobody wants to play
By the rules of the game
That's how they do it
And I'll do the same
I'll save her somehow
Because I'm willing to pay

Colorless Heart

October 26, 2004

He's come runnin back
Doesn't know how to act
How am I supposed to react?
I can't get this back on track
He's on the other side of my broken mirror
Hearing what I cannot hear
Nothing's getting any clearer
What did I do wrong
If I ever knew the words
To tell him how I felt
When he ripped my heart out
And held it in his bloody cheating hand
Squeezing every last drop of blood out
Leaving me with nothing
But a colorless
Heart

He Lead Her On

11.19.04

He led her on

You all saw it

Didn’t you?

The words he said to her?

It was so perfect

Yet all such a blur

He led her on

I don’t know

Where she went wrong

Don’t ask her

She’s dead and gone

All because

He had to lead her on.

Life For Rent

I can’t get you out of my head

Right now, I’d rather be dead

Covered in red

I know I shouldn’t have said

The words that rip me to shreds

But how else can I vent

Other than to repent

I need an angel to be sent

To put up a tent

And fix my dents

Wherever I have been bent

This life for rent

Is not meant

For anyone else

A Simple Mind

10.14.04

What do I have to sacrifice

To improve the conditions of my life

Of a simple girl

Of a beautiful girl

A simple mind

In this messed-up world

Damn it feels good to be me

Look around at everything I see

Triggered by the certain things

Oh well

The world is pretty harmless in itself

And I have to deal with the cards I’m dealt

All the pain that I have felt

And every time I melt

At the heat of the night

She flies out of sight…

Digging For Nothing

10.26.04

I kept digging and digging

Only to find nothing

I look deep into your vacant eyes

Only to find nothing

I am a burning paper doll

Lonely bleeding heart

Cramped up in my father’s ignorance

I used to count on you

Take my hand

Tell me what you feel

But you stand there

Deny that I’m real

Not bothering to care

Here’s your answer in tears

Gun it while I’m holding on

Tonight

You won’t find any sanity left in me

Forget about clarity (this one obviously isnt done lol)

Misery's Jester

shes misery's jester
screwing up the weather
writing suicide letters
banging the shutters
incoherently mutters
we feel so sorry
try not to worry
but its gotten so blurry
a hurricane, a flurry
we dont worry on purpose
but she makes us sweat
now we count the hours
til she wakes
with her ocean eyes
raven hair
crimson lips
and emotions bare
leaving a trail of drugs behind
leaving a pool of blood for me to find
after its hers, it has to be mine
i dont want responsibility
i just want my dignity
integrity's failing so what is left
systems shutting down
cant waste my breath
virus just found
and that virus is death
oh why did it come
why couldnt i hear the drums
now i have to run
run again, run away from this
run away from death's tragic deadly kiss
life is something that im gonna miss
ill be honest
i dont really feel like leaving now
and i know i will but i dont know how
i will come back
in full attack
and ill keep track
of who i need
who makes me retreat
in a front row seat
time to go
ill never know
what is like to live
and what its like to give
when youre twenty two
and your eyes turn blue
knowing that you grew
and looking back
on the times you cracked
smiling down on this hateful town
but its all okay
because someday
your time will come
you wont have to run

The People Pleaser

11.16.04

Do it fast

Do it quick

Please don’t make her wait a bit

What’s the worst that you could say

Nothing could ever drive her away

But can you even hear her?

Are you ever near her?

The answer is no

And both our heads collide

When there’s nothing I can do

That’s what frustrates me the most

And the people-pleaser has nothing to boast

Posted at 10:03 pm by wretchedmind
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Nov 16, 2004

more schtuff! ^_^

Another Corpse

10.8.04

I open the door

Legs cut off, lying on the floor

Anything more?

I take my chance

In the ballroom to dance

Up the stairs

In the other direction

I see a reflection

The girl with a grudge

But being dead

She can’t really hold a grudge anymore

Now, can she?

Hanging from a chandelier

It’s what I see, it’s crystal clear

Puddles of blood collect on the mirror

Bleeding sideways, isn’t that queer…

Mother walks in

The corpse goes unnoticed

After a minute

It’s her only focus

In vanity she prepares

TO throw herself off the stairs

But no one even cares

NO one saw the tears

That had collected over the years

Abruptly to a halt

The guests are finding fault

Readily exhalt

And the mother is a corpse

Another rotting, helpless corpse

An element of life

With no validated force

Butterfly Gashes

8/21/04

Ashes to ashes

Frolic in the fields of

Ashes to ashes

Matches to matches

Dance in the flames of

Matches to matches

Allies to allies

Plan in the basements of your

Allies to allies

Gashes to gashes

Butterfly gashes

Look at the remains of the

Butterfly gashes

Checker Board

October 17, 2004

Checker board, checker board
Black and white, how they see the world
Hanging high only by a cord
Wrapped around your waist, so sore
Screaming cuz you know its not true
The words not black and white, theres blue
Green and fuschia, purple too
They tell you to get over it
When all you want to do is quit
Even when you try to not give a shit
They say there's only black and white
They say there's only day and night
But if they want to think like that
Go ahead
For they are gits
It doesnt make any sense
To see things as one or the other
When theres so much with one another
They think there's only goth and prep
But there's punk and emo too
But by their standards...
What are you...?

He Put Her To Tears

11.14.04

He put her to tears
But he didn't mean to
His parents wouldn't let him
He loves her so much
It's just his stupid family
They are the best friends
Who come together
Like brother and sister
And sometimes
Like husband and wife
Their love is so strong
You couldn't cut it with a knife
You could steamroll them
But their lips would never part
You could rip everything apart
Bury both their hearts
But their love could never die
And no one will know why
The angels are always left to cry

Posted at 06:26 pm by wretchedmind
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Update ^_^

Give Before They Take

11.14.04

At an early age
She was taught to give
Before they can take
Because they always take
So you can never lose
If you're first to give
And it became
Her way to live
So she grew up like this
And when she'd killed off her parents
Whom she'd never miss
She sat there, clutching a list
Of who'd she'd get next
She'd never give it a rest
And with this girl
You don't have to settle for less
Her face is like eye candy
But if you look in her eyes
You won't find any beauty
You'll see a lost little girl
In a screwed up world
That she screwed up herself
And those eyes are always searching
For something

Hiroki and Takako

11.14.04

He loved her more than anything
And he cherished her
She was his rock
The hands on his clock
Shoes over his socks
But she was taken away
He can highly recall
A small memory
When they were little
And they were outside
The air was so brittle
The other kids beat him
Punched his face in
Ran away with
The books he was holding
And while she was scolding
For big boys don't cry
His life took remolding
And he made it up to her
Everything he is
Who he is
He owes to her
But he isn't sure
How he'll take revenge
It makes him cringe
To know that he'll never
See her again

The Only One Left

11.14.04

The only one left
Only one with a clue
Who started it all
Who melted the glue
Chisato is dead
With Yukio, that's two
And now that they're gone?
Did we even know you?

Posted at 05:08 pm by wretchedmind
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Nov 6, 2004

Wooo lots of new stuff!!!

After Every Breakup

After every break up
I dont wanna wake up
Right before the shake up
And as I put on my make-up
I don't wanna gape up
At this face of mine
Eyeliner entwined
Trace the scars along my lips
They match the ones that stain my hips
And as my nostrils drip
And reality begins to slip
That conmbined with the 70 Advils
I see the beauty there before
I see my life, and I want more
I collapse onto the floor
Before it's too late
I lose it all

I'll Be There

You can call me when you feel like chit
I'll pick you up every time you trip
I'll take away your every hit
To make you happy, any trick
Any trick in the book
Just something to make you any less morose
Taking a shot to the back of my head
Anything to bring you back from the dead
Well I tried
But you lied
And we cried
But we'll laugh again
And we'll love again
We'll be tough again
And you're mine again

Break Me Down

Break me down and disappear
Please tell me what I wanna hear
Let's talk this over the next few years
And settle it over a coupla beers
Shift it into second gear
Gun it while I'm holdin on
If you looked at what I really am
You'd know me like the back of your hand
Like a funeral for a friend
The pain never really ends
And when the homeless person grins
You walk in the other direction
How can you not
When you can't even handle your own reflection
You know a girl with cuts on her legs
And she leaves you speechless
While her tears are heedless
You are a doll mouth
With an X for some lips
And fabricated hips

If

If you could bleed my tears
If you could cry my blood
If you could taste my fear
If you could never run

If you could see my love
If you could feel my hate
If you could fly above
If you could never break

If you could grind my soul
If you could hunt me down
If you could take control
If you could make me frown

If you could do some harm
If you could heal my wounds
If you could set off my alarm
If you could give me the moon

If you could do those things
My heart would leap
If you could tell me words
To make my heart skip a beat
If you could hold me now
I'd be complete
If you could kiss me how
I want us to be.

Don't Lie To Her

Don't lie to her
You knew it all along
That she'd be the one left alone
Singing the saddest song
In the tune
Where she doesn't belong
In a world
Where she's done nothing wrong
She's the one left
To clean up the mess
That she didn't create
That she didn't undress
She might get better
If she decides to progress
And she deserves nothing
But the very best

You See This Life?

You see this life?
About the tears that drain my eyes?
About the blood my forearms cry?
And all the ways that I could die?
Do you ever stop to wonder why?

You see this face?
My lips that kiss like shards of glass
The whole thing covered in blades of grass
I wait for all this pain to pass
But I am still stuck here, stuck in class

Like Waiting

It's like hes waiting
Waiting for me to smack him
It's like I'm hating
Everything he does pisses me off
It's like we're fading
Reaching out for nothing
It's like I'm skating
On thin ice, so close to cracking
That I can already feel the surface below me collapse
Popping my knuckles
About to go off the deep end
I guess you could call it homicidal
Everything not in the Bible
Quickly turning from friends to rivals
Only fifteen
And the homicide queen

The Aftermath

She's bouncing off the walls again
And I'm waiting for the storm to end
There's gotta be a point she's missed
A scar that never grazed her wrist
Running into walls again
We know that she'll never win
She's the aftermath
Of the story that was never written

At A Loss For Words

I'm burning up
At a loss for words
Searching for trouble
And a world full of hurt
With a throat so dry
On a runaway train
Never coming back
No need to complain
About the price of fame
Because in this game
You can win
Or go insane
Trying to tame
This beast of a name
You can hold me down
With your guns and knives
But the end won't make up
For all of your tries
Or the innocent that died
But they stay within my sight
Just like human rights
What do I have to sacrifice?
My life?
If I go that far
I can't give up twice
And nothing is worth
The cost of my life.

Parallel

We stand
Side by side
With you, you're you
With nothing to hide
I ask how your day went
If you need to vent
But once again
Your short answers disappoint me
Nothing can make you conjoin me
We are the friends that can't emerge
The parallel lines that won't converge

Actually Misunderstood

If you really knew
What it meant to be misunderstood
Uncomprehendable
Unmentionable
And oh so expendable
Then you wouldn't be so...
Fake
Dramatic
Lying all the time
Semi-automatic
Nothing to lose
Yet nothing to gain
So close on the verge
Of going insane
And as you continue
Our patience wanes
And what you call trendy
Becomes unbearably plain
Because of people like you
Who are all the same
The image of goth
That you greedily claim
You don't know what it is
And I don't think you care
So crawl back in your hole
And you better beware

Stop The Clock

I have to hide the pain away
So no one has to see
I have to pretend that I'm okay
Like it's something I can be

Trembling in my desk
Trying not to cry
Coming close to throwing up
And damned to wonder why

It's like everything I hold inside
Everything I do
Everything you wanted me to be
It all comes down to you

It's a neverending movie
Always hanging off a cliff
I can't believe I held you so damn close
And then you let me die and drift

It's the chaotic air I'm breathing
Or the frantic hell I watch
Or the frightening life I'm leading
I scream and then the clock stops.

Heartbroken Queen

With the phone in my hand
I ask if he's there
It's only a dream
But I still don't care
I'm blinded by love
The laughter is back
And now that I'm better
I wait for attack
I'm half asleep dreaming
Of what we could have been
I'm half asleep smiling
Knowing I could win
I wake up crying
Because it was all a dream
I wake up dying
I'm the Heartbroken Queen

A Sorrowful Child

I am but quite a sorrowful child
Responding so graciously to a call of the wild
If you can find me, I am but a queen
Ruling over you in so harrowing dreams
I ride on the waves of a blood red sea
Its the blood of the angels, not the blood from me
I cry when I need to and whenever I please
I scream at the sky and fall to my knees
It's not what I like but it's what I have to do
This is what I call getting over you.

Liar Liar

Liar liar, pants on fire
Head mixed up in heart's desire
Take me down, or take me higher
Either way, you make me tired

Hypocrite
You're loving it
Bring it on, you make me sick
Try me with your dirty tricks

You attention whore
You're out the door
With a knife in my back, I'm on the floor
And thus ends this deafening, hateful war

Posted at 04:22 pm by wretchedmind
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Oct 10, 2004

fjdsoia vjpafhpoadi tdujfaodijv iophfadighu

Broken Home

In a broken home

Lives a broken family

And a little girl

With some broken bones

Running through the halls

With a beeping phone

Someone’s dying

And the little girl knows

With her little hands

She feels her mom’s forehead

With her little mind

She realizes she could be dead

In the broken home

With the broken family

Another broken little girl

Dressed up in pearls

This one’s much older

While one dies, she twirls

In another realm of the living

She sees a new beginning

Away from the pills she’s taken

And cataracts of booze she’s dranken

Lets her live the life that’s breakin’

In a broken home

With a broken family

And the little girl

With the broken bones

What's Life?

She’s walking home from school

Catching nasty looks

She’s walking away from her Hell

And dropping all her books

At home it’s not much better

In the dark and stormy weather

She runs into the house

And starts to write a letter

Dear Diary she begins to write

I wish I weren’t this way

This is not how I want to live my life

How I wake up every day

Dear Diary she continues to write

I want this all to be okay

I’d do anything to escape it all

There’s got to be a better place

Dear Diary she continues to write

Would things still be the same?

If I left one day once and for all

And ripped out all my veins?

Dear Diary, what’s life after all

Sometimes you’re caught, sometimes you fall

Sometimes you’re pinned against a wall

But in the end it feels like nothing at all

I Loved You, Too

You don’t have to find it in your heart

But I know I can find it in mine

Stop, rewind

There, right freakin’ THERE

I should’ve ended it

So in the future

I wouldn’t have to feel like shit

Dirty tricks

You really loved me

But you can’t have two

This is true

And I loved you, too.

Posted at 09:17 pm by wretchedmind
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Oct 4, 2004

gimme abreak, i wrote this when i was high....(on my legal meds)

Put on the Show

I’m so wasted

Craving your touch

Shaking in this race

I’m going to put back the curtains

I’m not here to put on a show

Get your hands off me

You see with your eyes

I’ll play my guitar

We’ll see who has won

You’re withered away

I’m here to stay

Light reflects my time that’s running out

Anguish is oh so sweet

When it’s not from defeat

I scare my own past

I’ve come to realize

That I can’t be

Whatever you want me to be

Times running fast

Hit the ground running

Send her away

Far away, so far away

Shred the years
You can, so shred the years

I cannot be

Take me higher

Build me out of a skyscraper

Human shaper

Fall into me

Try to see

What we could be

Live for the life according to you

Make me the beat of your heart

Love isn’t always as sane

I love you

Scared in the morning

Loved you

Drain the remains

Of when I loved you

Loved you

All I need is right here with me

I thought you were all I could want

Shake shake ratter roar hit your head on the marble floor

Bounce bounce break your back hear it shatter watch it crack

Nothing can change what you’ve don’t to me

My life will light the way

In this tunnel of broken trust and doomsday

I won’t forever stay this way

Bounce bounce stomp brattle shake

It’s all so fake

There to take

I can’t awake

No, no, no

Not from this trance

Traveling through warps of time

Looking for something to call mine

Ninety-nine Einstein

She clings while the game over bells ring

Smash smash pop pop pop sizzle dizzle clash

Will I ever love this again

Through side throw side throw side throw side

Right a wrong, will I, will I, will I

It ain’t over til the shit hits the fan

When does this pull out

Nonsense flirtacious patterns

It all boils down to this

The love we had was strong

Where did we go wrong

I see right through to you

Glass ain’t that clear but I manage

To make out outlines

Not like I don’t feel your mood

You think we have it all

I see your everything

Right through your core

Rotten to the core

Can’t get enough so

You demand more

I know you know

You shone silence

On the inside dare you perceive

The things you once ridiculed me

All I could be

May have not been much to offer

I see right through to you

Your every move

Detect a groove is out of place

Come back to a different face

You got the chance

Every grant given

Time to liven

This

Bow Bow Cuh Down Buh Dow Buh Dow Buh Bow Buh Bow Buh Bow

You got the chance

Time to see

Now you’re free

Revenge is oh so sweet

Best kind is to live well

Stay far from hell

And those places you saw as a kid

Brain washed by everything you could imagine

Dumb things happen but hey

But hey

You can’t mature overnight

It’s an angel’s plight

You’ll have to fight

Fire with fire self control with desire

You’ve got the chance

We’ll come again

It’s all of your business, hardcore vibes

Turn back and around back and around

Wowwa chip ditto ditto ditto dink dink cha-ching

Cha-change

My selector

All the middle of this

The time runs easy

Hardcore

Bang and bang and bang and chop-chickey Choo and bang and bang whoa yeah

Hardcore vibes that’s ironic

Hardcore vibes let’s sell tickets

Settle down and bounce back up

Where did we start

Too white to look back

Pang pang pang all passengers

Can I have your attention

Abuse all your authority

Violate humanity

Light at the top of the hill

Cures my broken formality

I don’t seem to comprehend this

Environment but here goes nothing

Chow pang chow pang sland pick

You are what you make yourself

Cuts off, cuts off, cuts off, and gone

Rotate in the direction of your noises

Should I stay, go, or what

Do I even wanna know

These little boys will never grow

I show the right path

Give you the key

Feel like I lose myself

To throw away all my passion

Fly together float away

Fine a face where everything is okay

TO clear emotion sky

Leave the shame behind

Hear the voice inside

Another day

Nothing is the same

Silence caresses my soul

She brings great joy to us all

Without her we just collapse

Clear emotion sky

To the gates of open mind

Leave the shame behind

Hear the voice inside

Break free of what has died

No longer will we hide

Living magnified

Regrets and lies

I get caught up when the rain and me subsides

Analyzing every grain

Until we’re drained

Left with shame

With no one to claim

I can hold it all in if you won’t let go

Heaven holds a sense of wonder

I am sinking

I am tipping

In this silence

I believe

I have seen it

I have breathed it

It is why we all are free

Free to roam

Free to go home

Collapse into bores

Exit with a moan

Trapped forever

Trapped now

Everything that you say

Makes me feel this way

Look at this world

Strong enough to blow my mind

In their eyes, you’re the kid to make me smile

Here's some more stuff I wrote either sober or high

Black Eye

this black eye hurts so bad
but should i care
that it's even there?
its from a girl
who never cared
its from a girl
who never shared
we used to be best friends
friends til the end
and then
it all went wrong
the shit hit the fan
which all just goes to show
no one is every really honest
and thats when the blueprints
went up in flames
shattered frames
whose left to blame?
nothings the same
we're at each others throats
trying to shove each other
out of the boat
we see each other every day
yet we have nothing to say
either way
life's just a stage
all the men and women merely players
with their entrances
and their exits
and their re-entrances
and one man in his time
plays many parts
breaks many hearts
throws many darts
pushes many carts
and in the end
after all the years
and defeated fears
and dried up tears
its all over
and you're in a better place.

I Still Look Pretty

my face may be bleeding
but i still look pretty
my soul may be needing
but i still look pretty
you may be greedy
but i still look pretty
my garden needs weeding
but i still look pretty
i may be begging and pleading
but i still look pretty
this pain may be seeding
but i still look pretty
God may be leading
but i still look pretty
you may be beating
but i still look pretty
you may be defeating
but i still look pretty
the others may be reading
but i still look pretty
and i thank the lord i always will
sitting by the windowsill
misunderstood with time to kill
but i still look pretty

At the End of My Rope

im sick of trying
because inside, im dying
youre killing me
you picked me up and dropped me
started me and stopped me
bought me things and robbed me
only you can break me
you were the guarentee
but honey i can change that
you mean nothing to me
every time i try
i just end up hurt
and every time i cry
into my bloody shirt
holes form in my eyes
so the sockets are bare
but you dont even care
how can you
if you arent there
i dont know where
i can go for this to end
and i dont know when
my life can begin
because this isn't my life
no
this can't be my life
my life was fun
and energetic
and eclectic
and happy
with laughter
no tears
no fears
not stuck in first gear
not at the end of my rope
with a bit hope
i only need one vote
ill make it

I Found Someone New

i found someone new

someone to replace

someone who cares

who brings smiles to my face

i found someone new

whose close in my heart

who loves me for me

and doesn't live so far apart

i found someone new

who only likes me

who doesn't screw behind my back

someone who i can see

i found someone new

whose hurting so bad

but im giving her time

because shes so rad

i found someone new

whose been cheated on twice

within the past month

and im her lucky dice

i found someone new

who i kissed saturday

and it felt better than with you

and the edges wont fray

i found someone new

someone better than you

someone who speaks truth

through when the wind blew

I Wanna Be The Girl

It’s hard not to cry

When you feel like you’ve died

Because you know that you’ve tried

But maybe it was a lie

Wondering if you’ll go to Hell

And if your soul will fry

Or if you’ll go to heaven

And have wings to fly

So my parents won’t be pounding on a grave

Knowing that they could have saved

Saved me from every crash of a wave

Every hurricane

That leaves me in pain

Shatters the frame

Rips at my veins

You know when you get that itch

Under your skin

That only a razor blade

Can fix

I’ve never even cut before

But somehow

I want even more

To be the girl that they adore

The girl who the crowd roars for

Posted at 06:34 pm by wretchedmind
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Jul 21, 2004

bleh

Every second I waste

Is another chance I could take

Make another mistake

Opportunity to break

Another poser to hate

More destruction to make

More bliss to fake

That was drowned in a lake

My hopes are crushed

My past was rushed

My future’s been flushed

My blood has gushed

I’m left with lust

Only collecting dust

Misplaced trust

My head will soon bust

My vanity hushed

My everything, is tainted with rust

Ask if you must

Please take time to brush

Off all the dust

If you’re left in disgust

My everything is left to rust.

Daddy’s Little Girl

Dressed up in pearls

Look at her now

Makes Satan wanna hurl

Leaves with a sweater

Says goodbye to Heather

Nobody sees

Till she pulls the lever

Spreads her legs wide

There’s nothing she’ll hide

Her parents are sleeping

She’s getting high

You wanna know why?

It’s that or cry

So she puts her life in jeopardy

Her life is just a parody

She tries so hard to be different

She flaunts her ‘strife’ for all to see

But she won’t fool me

I still breathe

And she doesn’t know it, but I can see

Right through her soul of hate and greed

What she feeds

Is mistaken for needs

But I won’t heed

I’m standing my ground

Drowning the sound

I won’t turn around

Oh I’ve got her now

No more

Daddy’s Little Girl

No more, goodbye

Posted at 07:16 pm by wretchedmind
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